I love a good rom-com. They are comfortable, easy to follow, and leave viewers smitten. I never understood the hate for this film genre. Many people—especially men—refer to these movies as “chick flicks,” yet, no matter where I am in life, I will forever choose a “chick flick” over a suspenseful war movie. Sorry, that’s just my opinion. If I have to sit through Inglorious Basterds (2009) or Oppenheimer (2023) again I think I will disintegrate into dust.
I’m not here to argue that one genre is better than another. Everyone enjoys their own thing, and for decades we’ve seen how women are drawn to rom-coms while men gravitate toward war films. My point this week is simple: rom-coms are vital for young women.
I remember watching my first rom-com when I was five or six, eyes glued to the box TV in our living room. See, back in my day, streaming services weren’t widely used, so hallelujah for cable TV. My brother and I only ever flipped between Disney Channel, Cartoon Network, and Nickelodeon, so when a movie appeared out of nowhere one afternoon, it opened my eyes to a world I didn’t know existed. I knew what love was but after watching this movie, it became a different kind of knowing—one I’m still figuring out.
Little Manhattan (2005) captured my mind and reshaped my idea of love. It’s basically a kid-friendly rom-com. Gabe, played by Josh Hutcherson (yes, my first celebrity crush), develops a real first crush on Rosemary, a girl he’s known forever but never looked at twice. They date, they panic, they fall apart, they learn. Classic rom-com energy.
As I grew up, Little Manhattan lived rent-free in my mind. Through puberty and beyond, I devoured films like 13 Going on 30 (2004), Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009), and To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018). Only now do I understand how important those stories were. Sure, movies exaggerate—but who says we can’t experience love at first sight, butterflies during a first kiss, or a spark that never fades? Why are we constantly told rom-coms are unrealistic? That message doesn’t make us practical—it teaches us to settle.
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
I think one of the most important rules that comes with rom-coms is closely watching how the love interest acts. Most of these films feature men who are intellectual but down-to-earth, strong but emotionally available, confident but not cocky. Exhibit A: Benjamin Barry from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003). Yes, he’s dreamy—and no, it’s not just because he’s played by Matthew McConaughey.
Without diving too much into the plot, Ben and Andie start dating because of their respective bets. Ben asked out Andie to prove he can make any woman fall in love with him (if he succeeded, he was to be given a major advertising account at work). Andie agreed to pursue Ben on a bet that she could drive a guy out of a relationship in just a few days (she was writing a ‘How Not to Date’ guide for Composure Magazine).
Despite using every cliché, Ben was persistent. He was patient. He endured Andie’s crazy behavior because he saw the real glimpses of her, without realizing that the crazy was an act. Ben treated Andie with respect, admiration, and passion. I always think of the scene where he’s waiting outside her apartment building and she comes out in this beautiful butter yellow dress. Once Ben sees her, his eyes light up, his hand rests on his chest as if he forgot how to breathe, and he holds a certain look on his face. It’s clear that this man yearns for her. I’d like to believe that in that moment, he saw more than just a woman—he saw a future.
Rom-coms teach us how men in love should act. They understand the idea of “it’s the thought that counts” isn’t enough when the thoughts never lead to action. These characters get the girl “just because” flowers, plan real dates, and open up emotionally. This is how your boyfriend should act.
Growing up, I was told that if a boy annoys you, it means he likes you. Nonsense. When I was in sixth grade, a boy pulled my ponytail, poked me, whispered to me in silent classrooms, and constantly disrupted my focus. I finally pulled my teacher aside—huge for shy little me—only to hear, “He just has a crush on you!” I felt stupid for even speaking up. In seventh grade, that same boy whipped me with a lanyard full of brass keys, silly keychains, and a tiny wallet revealing his school ID. My arm flared hot pink. I stayed quiet until I got home.
Rom-coms have the power of showing us how men should be treating us. If my mom didn’t insist otherwise, I may have grown up believing that boys who hit me love me. How could I not, I was told that this was crush behavior, right? This ideology reaches a dangerous territory. But through these films, I saw how a boyfriend can be. How he should be. A boyfriend should not be doing everything in his power to irritate you. He should not be whipping you. A man in love is a man that cherishes you… and again, he proves this through his words AND actions. Not one or the other.
It Was Like Love At First Sight
It takes us years to figure out what we want or don’t want in a relationship. Maybe you realize you want a significant other that is passionate about music. Maybe you realize you don’t want someone that eats too fast, leaving you feeling weird when you’re the only one eating. Relationships are like trial and error. Math class taught us that when in doubt, use the guess and check strategy. Make an educated guess as to what the answer could be, check to see if the solution fits the problem, and re-evaluate if need be. If we followed this problem-solving strategy for years, then why are we giving up on it when it could be useful?
Some people claim they “just knew” when they found the one. I’m not saying that they lied, but I believe this is because they already knew what they wanted. It wasn’t totally random. They experienced plenty of errors and wound up with the idea of the perfect person for them. Instead of going on a million first dates, there’s a way to help young people figure out what they want. A way where they never have to get off the couch.
Take the classic “boy next door” trope. Best friends growing up, drifting apart, then realizing they loved each other all along. 13 Going on 30 taps into this beautifully. Jenna dreams of being fabulous and popular, wakes up as a 30-year-old editor in New York, and eventually realizes that the glamorous life she wanted pulled her away from the person she truly loved: her childhood best friend/the boy-next-door, Matt.
It’s unrealistic, sure—we can’t rewind time—but the lesson is real. Watching rom-coms can help us determine our wants and needs early on. Who says we can’t find what we think is the perfect person? To be completely honest, I think we have a better chance at finding true love when we have a strong grasp on these things. The law of attraction, a core concept for life, teaches us that our beliefs and thoughts can influence reality. In other words, we attract what we want, what we need. We can attract our own Matt, our own Ben, our own version of what a soulmate is.
Happily Ever After Starts with Her Own Story
Rom-coms are centered on romance and finding Mr. Right. But it doesn’t have to be all about the guy—it can be about you, too. A ton of the main female characters in this genre have a successful career that they’re passionate about. Rachel Chu, Andie Anderson, Sally Albright, Leslie Wright—these women have careers, ambition, and a strong sense of self.
These films showcase characters who build a life before they build a relationship. I think we should be taking notes here. Clearly, if all films are beginning the story like this, then we should realize that we come first. Stop looking for a man, and embrace your dream. Love sweeps them off their feet only after they find their own ground.
I knew early on that I wanted to be a writer. My cousin and I would write stories in a spiral notebook and share notes before bed. A friend gifted me a book titled Complete the Story to help me practice. I connected with my English teachers in high school. I chose a major in college that would allow me to write for a living. Writing is who I am. It’s my dream, and I intend to make it real.
Still, I got too wrapped up in the idea of love. I watched rom-coms and thought it was funny how a bunch of the female characters were writers, too—and yet, I never thought deeply about it. My preteen and teenage mind was focused on the man, not the woman. I let my dream dim under the belief that maybe my rom-com love interest was just around the corner. It doesn’t work like that. You can’t find the right person for you if you’re not the right person for yourself. Your most authentic self attracts the love you’re meant to have.
I’m not suggesting that you give up on dating. Flirt with a guy at a bar. Say yes to someone who isn’t your “type.” Rom-coms teach us how men should treat us and help us define our desires, but you still have to get out there. Have fun. Live a little. But ultimately, put yourself first. Love arrives when it’s meant to.
At the end of the day, we should not be ruling rom-coms out. Embrace the “chick flick” and what it actually offers. This genre can teach us so many different lessons about love and life, and how to intertwine the two. They remind us that it’s okay to have standards, to dream big, and to want both a meaningful career and a meaningful connection. Rom-coms show women who choose themselves first, who build lives they’re proud of, and who let love complement—not complete—them. They remind us that independence doesn’t cancel out romance; if anything, it strengthens it. And honestly, if a feel-good movie can inspire us to chase our goals, know our worth, protect our hearts, and still believe in the possibility of a little magic along the way, then maybe they’re not just fun movies after all—maybe they’re exactly the films we need to keep watching.
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