You knew this one was coming, didn’t you? I originally wanted to share my thoughts on the show Gilmore Girls around September 22nd, the first day of fall. The dilemma I ran into though was the fact that I wasn’t finished watching. But, I am proud to say I finally finished every season of this show for the first time. Gilmore Girls is a drama set in the fictional town Stars Hollow, Connecticut. The story explores the lives of Lorelai Gilmore and her daughter, Rory. The characters are eccentric and often face difficulties in work, school, family, friends, and coffee. Yes, coffee. Apparently, these girls can never have too much coffee.
I decided to watch this show because of how it reemerges in the fall season of each year. Gilmore Girls is one of the most re-watched tv shows on Netflix, as stated on the description the service provides. After completing the story, I can understand why. The entire show has these undeniable fall vibes that are comforting. It feels like being wrapped in a big blanket and while the smell of cookies in the oven wafts throughout the room. The story is addicting; I was left wanting to know what happens next after each episode. Despite all this, I don’t think I will ever re-watch, let alone see it on an annual basis. I’ll give you three reasons why.
How to Lose a Guy in Three Cups of Coffee
No character has ever pissed me off more than Lorelai. Well, maybe Ross Geller from Friends, but Lorelai is up there. Yes, she was cool at times and her outfits were to die for, but I couldn’t stand her. There were times she was funny, but not funny haha. It was just enough for a little sound to come out of my nose. Her wit and incredible comeback speed is crazy. For those who don’t know, the actors had to take lessons off set to talk faster. And I mean whole conversations are done in seconds because of how quickly they spew words. I am very sorry to say that this became a new pet peeve of mine. Why are you in such a rush? For a drama series, you’d think they would draw out their words and conversations to create a suspenseful build-up. But let’s walk further down the Lorelai path. I may have to hold your hand when I say what I’m thinking.
I love complicated female characters. It challenges the traditional idea that women are just eye-candy for the audience. I can’t believe I have to say this but it does help people realize that no one is perfect. We all have issues that we deal with and grow from. But I don’t think Lorelai ever truly grew as a character. She was so stagnant that I couldn’t believe I saw the final episode. Like… where’s the rest of her story? Where is this arc where she realizes that she needs to change in order to have a happy life?
Lorelai is a single mother who had Rory when she was 16-years-old. Born and raised in Hartford, Lorelai grew up in what she calls a ‘toxic’ home. Her parents, Emily and Richard Gilmore, are a rich couple with an extraordinary house. The problem starts and ends with Emily, according to Lorelai. Emily forced her only daughter to do things she didn’t want. But the intention behind these actions all come back to the idea that Emily wants the best for Lorelai. She wanted to see her daughter go to an Ivy League college and go to classy parties and marry a rich man. Basically, Emily wanted Lorelai to become Emily. I understand why this frustrated Lorelai. She felt trapped in a world she didn’t want a hand in, so she rebelled. And of course, that rebellion led to Lorelai finding out she was pregnant at 16 with her boyfriend’s baby.
Like any parents, Emily and Richard were upset. They imagined an entire life for Lorelai and once she’s able to make her own decisions, she throws her life away. I don’t mean to say that having a child is a bad thing… I support pregnant teens, not teen pregnancy. Due to their disappointment, Lorelai ran away. She winds up finding work as a maid at an inn in Stars Hollow, and the owner, Mia, takes Lorelai and her baby in. Lorelai raised Rory in the inn’s shed for the first few years of her life before they moved to a bigger house across town.
When a child has a child, they end up putting their needs and wants on the backburner, delaying the growth a human experiences. I don’t think Lorelai ever really grew up. She was immature, cynical, and irresponsible (meaning she had a hard time taking accountability). Most of these stem from her parents and her dating life. Rory’s father, Christopher, left Lorelai. He wasn’t there to help raise Rory at all. When we first meet Christopher, Rory seems like she had no idea who this man was that was catcalling Lorelai on the street. This is extremely weird by the way, but it goes to show that he never visited or had any custody of Rory. Because he forced Lorelai to figure out life and childcare on her own, it’s no surprise that she develops trust issues.
Lorelai has plenty of friends around Stars Hollow, but when it comes to men, forget about it. We meet Luke, a diner owner, in the first episode. Immediately, there’s tension between Luke and Lorelai. She uses her witty behavior to get what she wants, which seemingly causes Luke to have secret heart eyes. After seasons of pent up love, the two finally get together, but it doesn’t last long. I think their relationship was the perfect opportunity for her to grow. Instead, Luke finds out he has a daughter and tries to separate his life with Lorelai from his new found dad life, which I admit would be frustrating. However, Lorelai breaks off her and Luke’s engagement and sleeps with Christopher hours later. This tends to be a cycle with men on the show. Lorelai begins to date them, they let her down in some way, and she breaks up with them and ends up sleeping with Christopher over and over again. Lorelai’s best friend Sookie even mentions how she has a habit of kicking out a man in her life around the three month mark, before things get too serious. I don’t have a problem with a woman dating a lot of men, but what irked me was the fact that Lorelai would introduce them to Rory and in the end, Rory would be the one who gets hurt because she was subconsciously looking for a father figure. In the last episode, Lorelai kisses Luke. I couldn’t help but wonder how fast he’ll receive the boot. For someone who talks so fast, Lorelai sure knows how to dodge emotional honesty. She calls it independence. I call it emotional hide-and-seek.
The Rise and Fall of a New England Princess
I’d love to start this section by stating Rory’s bob was HORRID. Anyway, no, I will not be talking about whether I’m team Dean, Jess, or Logan (that’s for another post winky face). When I see people on social media — Gilmore Girls fans or not — they all agree on one thing: Rory is the worst character. I’m not entirely sure if I agree with this opinion. Yes, Rory annoyed me too, but I empathize with her more than Lorelai. Rory grew up being told she was special — a golden girl who could do no wrong. The problem is, when your whole identity is built on being exceptional, failure feels like identity death. Rory didn’t know how to be mediocre, how to mess up, how to not have a five-year plan. That’s not just privilege, it’s pressure.
Rory’s character experiences this unraveling in her second year of Yale. The Ivy League is intense and can wear down even the most confident people, which is exactly what happened to Rory. She starts walking through life in her own way, slowly becoming what her mother ran from. Part of Rory’s arc isn’t just about failure — it’s about outgrowing her mother. For so long, she lived in Lorelai’s shadow of independence and rebellion, but her path was always different. When she quits Yale, it’s the first time she stops being Lorelai’s mini-me, and that’s painful for both of them. In one scene, Lorelai looks out the window to find a drunk Rory stepping out of a limousine full of other rich Yale kids. Lorelai’s face drops. Surely, she should have known Rory would cut the umbilical cord at some point.
At a newspaper internship, her boyfriend’s father, one of the most influential men in the world of journalism, told Rory that she didn’t have the “i”’ factor. Basically, this man told a young woman that her dreams and passions of becoming a journalist are useless since she lacks the skill. If someone famous author told me that I suck at writing, I would fall to the ground too. Rory worked for this her entire life, of course she was going to crack at this point. We all have to learn at one point or another that not everyone is going to like us or what we do. Unfortunately, this was one lesson Rory couldn’t understand. After this incident, she quit Yale, stopped talking to Lorelai, moved in with Emily and Richard, and began working at a preppy organization. Like I said, Rory’s entire life was journalism, it makes complete sense that she would lose herself completely when she lost her career.
Rory didn’t stay like this forever though. And this is what I wish happened with Lorelai. Rory woke up from her nightmare and realized that she didn’t need everyone’s approval. She grew from the experience. She enlisted herself back into Yale, graduated when she was originally supposed to, and landed an amazing journalism opportunity (following Obama’s political campaign around the country). Rory’s story quietly exposes how the American dream fails even the “perfect” candidates. She did everything right — got into a prestigious school, worked hard, networked — and still got torn down by a man in power. Her privilege cushioned her fall, sure, but the emotional fallout is very real.
Say what you want, but I will be a Rory Gilmore defender for life. Not all the time, but most of the time. She embodies the “gifted kid burnout” arc perfectly. She is let down, and gets back up. I don’t understand the amount of hate she receives. Yes, she is privileged. No, she doesn’t have a full grasp on the real world — but who does? It’s funny how Rory gets dragged for being selfish or out of touch, but when male characters go through similar crises, they’re called ‘complex’ or ‘realistic.’ Maybe people hate Rory because she reflects the parts of ourselves we don’t want to see — entitlement, confusion, and the fear of failure.
At its core, Gilmore Girls isn’t really about caffeine addictions, fast-talking banter, or flirty diner owners — it’s about the way women inherit and unlearn the versions of themselves passed down through family. Lorelai and Rory are proof that growth doesn’t always look graceful. I think that’s why people come back to this show every fall. It’s cozy, yes, but it’s also human. Lorelai runs from change; Rory runs straight into it and trips. And somewhere between their chaos, we see pieces of ourselves — the parts that crave freedom, validation, or just one more cup of coffee. Maybe that’s the real magic of Gilmore Girls: it makes you feel seen, even when the characters are a total mess. And yes, please refrain from talking too fast… I fear you may bite your tongue off.
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