Sex and the City ruined my freshman year of college — or at least my faith in men named after adjectives. I shamefully admit I only made it to season two. This is due to one reason and this one reason only: I hated Mr. Big. Actually, hate is not a strong enough word. I detested Mr. Big. I wanted to reach through the screen and choke him out with my bony fingers. I wanted Carrie to roundhouse his ass down a flight of stairs. I believe I’m such a kind person… as you can see.
For those who have never seen or heard of Sex and the City, I will provide a bit of explanation. For those who want to watch it, I am warning you now that I am going to be dropping spoiler bombs left and right… even though this show has been out since the late 90s.
This show, released by HBO, explores the life of sex columnist Carrie Bradshaw and her three best friends, Miranda Hobbes, Samantha Jones, and Charlotte York. The girls are in their mid-30s in the first season, and through Carrie’s writing, we see their lives in Manhattan’s dating scene. Each episode is centered around a question that Carrie ponders on in her column, such as ‘What are the break-up rules?’ and ‘Are we romantically challenged, or are we sluts?’
A year after my first attempt at this show, I finally was able to watch the entire thing. And then I watched the movie. Then the second. And then the third. It’s safe to say, I fell in love with the show, its characters, and the greater message of the story: female friendship is your core. Now, I’ve watched the series a few times, and I am proud to believe that I am an expert. Which is why I can confidently say that almost all of the love interests in this show were awful, especially Mr. Big, and ESPECIALLY Aidan Shaw (major controversy, sorry, not sorry).
The First Spiral: Enter Mr. Big
In the very first episode of season one, we meet Mr. Big. Before you ask, no, we do not find out his real name until the last minute of the last episode in the last season. And I will not reveal it here. Mainly because it was a big disappointment. I was expecting an eccentric name that Carrie couldn’t use in her column because it’d be too obvious who she was talking about. But no… it’s plain. They meet when Carrie’s purse goes flying on a busy Manhattan street after bumping into a stranger. Quickly bending down to help her retrieve her items, we see a tall, handsome man. Carrie becomes a little embarrassed because the items this hot stranger helps her pick up are a bunch of condoms. After this incident, the two unexpectedly bump into each other all over the city for the next few weeks. Finally, Carrie tells him they should bump into each other on purpose, and the start of a messy, emotional relationship begins.
As the seasons go on, we dive into Carrie and Big’s relationship. And this is where I stopped the first time. Carrie was so dumb! This man treated her like absolute shit. He made her feel crazy. He never showed up for her, never truly supported her. I’m not sure he ever really liked her for the first few years of their weird relationship. But here’s the thing… Carrie knew what she was getting herself into. Big didn’t become this person overnight, he was always this way. He had just enough money to make him dangerous. I think Carrie really just wanted to ‘fix’ him. When the reality we girls have to face one day is that some men can’t be fixed. Or they don’t want to be fixed. I’m not saying that all men need fixing, but Carrie tried too hard to make Big act exactly how he does in her fantasy. I hated how much she chased after him, but at the same time, I can’t be mad. Carrie is only hated because she’s relatable. We all hate Carrie until we find our own Mr. Big.
Big treated Carrie as if she were a place holder. He kept her in his back pocket, thinking maybe she could be ‘The One’ but still exploring his options. When Carrie and Big inevitably break up, she sees him again at a beach party in the Hamptons months later. But, he’s not alone. Standing with Big is Natasha, a 25-year-old woman. And the truth comes out, Big (a man in his 40s) and Natasha are engaged after dating for five months. This causes Carrie to have a severe breakdown over the next million episodes. I hate that she questioned her worth all because of some rich guy.
The Aidan Illusion
Time passes. We all think (and hope) that Big will never show up again. Stanford, one of Carrie’s best friends, convinces her to get out of her apartment and go furniture shopping with him. Upon entering the store, a dog runs up to Carrie causing his owner to grab him. Here, we meet Aidan Shaw. The two spark up a conversation and by the end of it, a date is set in motion.
I loved Aidan. Until I didn’t. I thought Aidan and Carrie were so cute together. Until I didn’t. Before you begin to question my sanity, I will state now that he was not nearly as bad as Mr. Big. No one is worse than Mr. Big. But online, I see many thirsty edits of Aidan and discussions about how Carrie was such a fool to give him up. Instead of indulging in these videos, I appreciate how normal it is today to put yourself first. We’re all starting to recognize that we can’t have a great day or a great life if we don’t take care of ourselves, even if it may hurt another person. And that’s exactly what Carrie did. She put herself first.
A big part of who Carrie was was her smoking addiction. In every episode, we see her light up a cigarette. This was the norm back then, especially in major cities. Everyone was smoking left and right because it was ‘cool’ and that theory was supported by the amount of celebrities seen with a cigarette in their hand. The health concerns were already established at this point, but I don’t think many people cared. Early in their dating life, Aidan told Carrie that he cannot date a woman who smokes. He said this was a dealbreaker to him, and he truly liked Carrie, but it was obvious that he’d dump her over something like this. Carrie agreed to quit smoking, but failed over and over. I believe this is because she didn’t want to quit. You can’t convince an addict to quit for you. They need to do it for themselves. And Carrie was not ready to give this part of her life up. Aidan shamed her tremendously, even if he didn’t realize it. That wasn’t fair.
Months into their relationship, Carrie and Aidan were at a furniture expo to showcase Aidan’s work, and guess who decides to make an appearance. Big and Natasha walk by and start a polite conversation with Aidan and Carrie, meanwhile Carrie, all nervous about seeing this jerk, spills coffee all down the front of Big. This little awkward interaction brought the two back together, and thus, Mr. Big and Carrie fell into an affair. They’d meet at hotels mid-afternoon and then go home to kiss their partners. I’m not defending Carrie here. What she did was horrible. I don’t understand cheating. Why not just break up with your partner to be with the other person? At least then you’re not being a bitch behind their back and acting innocent in front of them.
Aidan was heartbroken. As anyone would. But somehow, the two found their way back to each other, and it’s their re-emergence as a couple that shoots the red flags up in the air. Aidan was quick to move into Carrie’s small apartment. For an episode we saw the cluttered apartment and how Carrie struggled making her way around with the amount of boxes he had. I still remember the shocked face she made when Aidan suggested getting rid of her clothes and shoes to make room for him. That’s like telling a woman ‘Yes, you do look fat in that dress.’ Why did she have to get rid of her own stuff for him? Why couldn’t he just not bring that many things with him? I think this can be considered a metaphor. It’s weird how they didn’t try to find a new place together. Instead, Aidan shoved his way into her apartment. Almost like he was shoving himself to fit in her life. Later on, Carrie ended up buying her apartment and allowed Aidan to knock down a wall to create more space for the two of them and his dog.
Just like he was quick to move in, Aidan was also quick to propose. After the entire Carrie and Big affair, I think he had a ton of trust issues, which is rightfully understandable. That doesn’t mean ‘Let’s get married so I know you’re mine,’ though. It was so clear that Carrie was nowhere near ready for marriage, she even stated before she didn’t know if she wanted to marry anybody. I also want to quickly point out that his proposal wasn’t cute. They were walking Aidan’s dog, whom Carrie didn’t even like all that much, when in the middle of a Manhattan street, Aidan got down on one knee. She was shocked. I was shocked too. Who proposes while their dog is about to do his business right in front of you? Plus, the ring was the complete opposite of what she would have wanted in an engagement ring. Carrie wears gold for fun and weird fashion trends, but she’s a silver girl at heart. Any person that proposes to you should know whether you’re a gold or silver wearer.
The Value of Carrie’s Independence
Carrie really valued her independence and introspection. She is this bright, witty, one-of-a-kind-woman, and both Mr. Big and Aidan should have seen her value. I hate that she often had to put herself in a little box to make things work in a relationship. But as we saw with her and Aidan’s relationship, that can’t be a permanent solution. I wish she had a different ending. In the movies, she marries Big, even though he stood her up on their wedding day. In the spin-off series And Just Like That…, Carrie becomes a widow and begins a relationship with Aidan again (he cheats on her… dare I say he was seeking revenge?). Finally, as our view into Carrie Bradshaw’s life comes to an end due to the abrupt conclusion of And Just Like That…, Carrie ends up alone.
Being alone is not a bad thing. However, every episode, every movie, we always came back to the root of Carrie’s heart: Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte. I wish the final moments we saw of her life included her best friends. Their friendship was inspiring and meant a lot to women to see how strong female friendships can be. Carrie’s story didn’t need a man to close it. It needed her — and her friends — reminding us that the greatest love story we’ll ever have is the one we write with ourselves.
Written by Emily Fadako
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